Napoleon's Last Stand

 Oh, me name’s Napoleon Bonaparte, I’m the conquerer of nations

I’ve vanquished German legions and sent kings from their thrones

I’ve banished dukes and earls and glorious congregations,

But now I am transported to downtown Baltimore…

It happened on a Wednesday, it was at the Warf Rat Bar.

Jake and me and Tom McGee, each knocking down a jar.

And telling blonde jokes don’t ya know and generally keeping score

When in walks this here dandy from uptown Baltimore.

He says his name’s Napoleon and he plops down right beside.

Hand jammed in his pocket like there’s something there to hide.

He orders up a brandy and he downs it in one swill,

We’d never seen the likes of him this side of Federal Hill.

     Chorus

     He said his name’s Napoleon and we said what the heck.

     You’ll always find it takes all kinds to keep the world in check.

     If someone offers up a round, well who are we to fuss.

     He said his name’s Napoleon, that’s good enough for us.

Jake gives Tom the elbow, calls out howdy do

Napoleon gives us a grin and starts to parlez-vous.

We can’t decipher half a word, it’s really quite the show

‘til some guy up from Dundalk jumps in to have a go.

You’re a froggy ain’t ya, he says in terms uncouth

Well, we don’t like no froggies here, now boys ain’t that the truth.

And whether it’s the truth or no, we don’t have time to say,

Cause Dundalk up and clocks him and the fight is underway

     Chorus

Well, Dundalk swung to the right, just missing Tom McGee

And Frenchie kicks him in the shin and takes a poke at me

I’m not on to spectate when the going gets so close

But I swing wide and land upside the old bartender’s nose.

It was over in a minute, that Frenchman sure could fight,

Feisty little bugger, he was at it left and right.

The fist that he was hiding carried knuckles made of brass,

In no time mister Dundalk there was flat upon his ass.

     Chorus

Viva la France we heard him cry before we all set to,

With bodies strewn across the room, it looked like Waterloo.

But someone called the cops out, and they showed up sure enough.

They take one look at Frenchie and slap him in some cuffs.

Seems he’s just some looney gone AWOL from his bin,

But before he goes he takes a bow and gives us all a grin

“My name’s Napoleon Bonaparte, to St Helena bound”,

Then he emptied out his wallet and said, “drinks all around”.

     Chorus